In the South, manners do matter.
Children are told from an early age to be nice to everyone, especially to those who are nice to them. Being nice means being kind, friendly, and respectful towards others.
Mom Jaylene reminds her children to use their manners at the family gathering this afternoon, “Both of you, Mary Ellen and Billy Bob, mind your manners. Gram is hosting the event. It’s a reunion with her brothers and sisters. Many of them will be there. Show them respect and use your manners. They’ll be watching, and it will be a reflection of me. So, please be nice.”
“Mary Ellen, I know it’s hard for you to be polite. Please try not to talk over others in conversation. Allow others to speak as well. Otherwise, it implies that you aren’t listening or that their thoughts are less important.”
“Yes Mom, but it’s hard to talk to Aunt Hilda. I feel like she’s not interested in me. She’ll say ‘bless your heart dear,’ then turns her head and continues her conversation with her sister, Aunt Maggie.” “Yes, she can be rude, but acknowledge her respectfully with a polite nod of your head, then move on to someone else.”
“Billy Bob, use the table manners I taught you: sit up straight in your chair, keep your elbows off the table, place your napkin in your lap, and use the utensils provided while eating.” “Yes Mom, I will do my best.”
“Both of you, use table manners, place your napkins in your laps, and be courteous in passing plates of food to others. Remember to say please and thank you. These are simple tasks, but are important, know that I’ll be watching and will be proud to see you using proper etiquette.” Both reply, ” Yes Mom, we will make you proud.”.
Mary Ellen says, and Billy Bob nods his head in agreement, “I noticed that many of these elder relatives don’t use much etiquette in conversation. All I hear them say ‘Is that right and bless her or bless his heart.'” Billy Bob says, “They seem to talk at each other and not to each other. One sister would say something not nice about another sister and the sister next to her would agree saying bless her heart, but doesn’t seem to mean it.”
Mom responds, “Yes its not nice, not good manners, to say something unkind about another. Better to say nothing at all, if you can’t say anything nice. We can learn from others what not to do. I’ve taught you good manners. Be nice.”
“Mom, I don’t mean to say it, but these relatives are old and seem only interested in each other and their memories of long ago. I don’t understand,” said Billy Bob as he scratched his head.
Mom explains, “For most elderly people, memories are all they’ve got. Many have fond memories of past events with each other and enjoy reminiscing about them. It’s only natural. Even though both of you have memories of recent events you have enjoyed together, you will one day reminisce about them.”
“Well, are you prepped and ready for the family gathering this afternoon?,” said Mom enthusiastically. Mary Ellen and Billy Bob respond, “Yes, we’re ready to get it over with, we mean, we’re ready to have a delightful time at Grams being nice to everyone there.”
Good manners are important across most cultures. In the South, manners are held to the highest importance. It’s a learned social grace. Being nice is to be polite, respectful, and considerate toward others.
Copyright 2025 Frank Clark